Why Won’t He Commit?

Vallarta Tribune, Jul 16-22, 2006, issue # 484, pg 18 We hear our friends and our patients complain all of the time that their friends, boyfriends, or husbands won’t make plans or always cancel after they commit or agree to do something. Besides feeling very frustrated and angry, they want to know why. Okay, here […]

When to Help Rescue Them From Their Addiction

We determined the topic for this week’s article based on last week’s article “When is Enough Enough?” It seems like we might have left people hanging, unsure of what to do if their addict (chemically dependent) partner really needed help and was finally ready to accept/receive help. Of course, the answer is not simple and […]

When to Cut-Off Communication

PV Mirror, July 3-9, 2011, issue # 91, pg 21 When couple’s split up, it is always for a reason. At least one partner really felt the need to leave. For some people, it usually takes a lot of courage. They struggle as the days and weeks drag on, wondering what they should do, enduring […]

When is Enough Enough?

Vallarta Tribune, Apr 23-29, 2006, issue # 472, pg 19 I have written separate articles on addiction, codependency, and relationships and received many responses and questions asking more about the addict-codependent relationship. The amazing thing that I’ve noticed about this dysfunctional destructive cycle is that the addicts are very aware of their role in this […]

When is Enough Enough?

What is a Healthy Relationship?

PV MIrror, Feb 12-18, 2011, issue # 122, pg 19 You know you are in a healthy relationship when you can be yourself and you accept your partner as he is.You do not try to change them or mold them into who you think they should be or who you need them to be. You don’t have that right and it is […]

What is a Healthy Relationship?

You know you are in a healthy relationship when you can be yourself and you accept your partner as he is. You do not try to change them or mold them into who you think they should be or who you need them to be. You don’t have that right and it is very controlling. […]

What Are You Waiting For?!

Vallarta Tribune, Jun 18-24, 2006, issue # 40, pg 17 Many of you may have friends and family who have asked “what are you waiting for?!” It seems obvious and unbelievable to them; the ones on the outside looking in, that your situation is ridiculous, that it has hit the most extreme degrees possible, and they are […]

What Are You Waiting For?!

We Inherit Our Family

Vallarta Tribune, Mar 5-11, 2006, issue # 465, pg 20 We all have a family of origin whether we grew up with them or not, whether we get along with them now or not, or even if we are in contact with them or not. No family is perfect. All families have varying degrees of dysfunction; it’s […]

We All Know Someone Diagnosed With Breast Cancer

PV MIrror, Oct 23-29, 2010, issue # 106, pg 16-17 How many of you know someone who has been diagnosed with breast cancer? All of you, right? I cannot imagine not knowing anyone who’s been diagnosed. The more poignant question is how close were/are they to you; a friend of a friend, someone else’s Aunt, […]

WARNING: Marijuana is very bad for your health

PV Mirror, July 10-16, 2010, issue # 92, pg 23 I cannot believe how marijuana users continue to minimize the negative physical and psychological effects in order to justify their continued and most often addictive use/habit. MARIJUANA IS NOT SAFE!! This is not just some opinion or theory. Researchers have known for years the numerous undisputable damaging effects of […]

Vallarta: A Place to be Happy and Heal or to Spiral Out of Control

Vallarta seems to have become an international multi-cultural community, which has attracted a large community of Americans and Canadians as well as many Europeans and Central and South Americans, not to mention a huge influx of professionally educated Mexicans who have also chosen to move here from other parts of Mexico. Everyone moves here in search […]

Vallarta: A Place to be Happy and Heal or to Spiral Out of Control

To Suffer A Loss

PV Mirror, May 1-7, 2010, issue #82, pg 17 Loss can be abrupt and unexpected or planned and anticipated. Loss can be from a relationship break-up, divorce, or from the death of a partner, family member or friend. I have personally experienced both; an unexpected divorce, my father’s anticipated death from Alzheimer’s, and most recently my boyfriend’s abrupt death. Besides death, abrupt and […]

The Victim

PV Mirror, Jan 15-21, issue # 118, pg 17 Are you a victim? The word victim indicates that something was done to you, implying that you did not have a choice and it was therefore, forced upon you and you did not have the power to stop or prevent it. There are victims of tragedies, natural disasters, […]

The Victim

The Other Woman

Vallarta Tribune, Sep 10-16, 2006, issue # 492, pg 18 Sometime in the early “90’s an absolutely gigantic yacht crept into the marina. It was so large it seemed to swallow all of the other boats and yachts. It looked like a whale next to all of the little fish. It was called “The Other […]

The Joy of Recovery

Vallarta Tribune, Aug 6-12, 2006, issue # 487, pg 15 It is extremely important to recognize that healing from emotional pain whether it is caused by addiction, codependency, abuse, trauma, divorce, or loss, to name a few, is invariably life changing. A metamorphosis occurs as the person heals and recovers their “self”. They not only […]

The Joy of Recovery

The Impact of the Recession

PV Mirror, Mar 20-26, 2010, issue # 76, pg 19 What losses have you suffered? Did you lose your home? Did you have to sell or walk away from everything in it? Are you trying to sell your home either to down-size or because you maintained a second home? Have you gone from two incomes […]

The Empty Refrigerator

Vallarta Tribune, Jun 25-Jul 1, 2006, issue # 481, pg 17 How many of you are still waiting for certain people in your life to treat you differently? The answer is most of us. You may be waiting for your husband to stop insulting and criticizing you, or for your wife to be more thoughtful and […]

Sometimes Medications Are Necessary

Vallarta Tribune, Mar 19-25, 2006, issue # 467, pg 24 Over the years I have heard people in recovery say, “they are just replacing one drug with another” or “trading one dependency for another” or “they must learn to be sober without taking any other drugs.” This is not always true. Sometimes medications are necessary. […]

Retirement Challenges for Couples

PV Mirror, Jun 11-17, 2011, issue # 138 Last week I discussed the challenges of retirement and considered the impact of finances, physical health, and general lack of preparation. Many people are surprised at how difficult it is to adapt to being retired after so many years of working and/or raising a family. Retirement also […]

Resentments Are Toxic

How many of you walk around holding onto resentments? How many months or years have you been carrying that extra baggage? Do you realize that those resentments are only hurting you? How many of you have heard the quote that “resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”? Resentments are an accumulation […]

Relationships

Vallarta Tribune, Feb 12-18, 2006, issue # 462, pg 20 So many things impact relationships causing increased stress and mixed feelings, resentments, anger, sadness, and fear of what could happen if things don’t get better. Couples complain that “no matter what I do it’s never enough” stating that he/she is “never satisfied.” Our expectations of […]

Relationships

So many things impact relationships causing increased stress and mixed feelings, resentments, anger, sadness, and fear of what could happen if things don’t get better. Couples complain that “no matter what I do it’s never enough” stating that he/she is “never satisfied”. Our expectations of our partner can often be unrealistically high and in other […]

Pick Your Pain!

PV Mirror, Apr 30-May 6, 2011, issue #133 People always ask how they can decide what to do when they don’t like the options they have to chose from; when neither are attractive. We all need to decide what we’d rather do or feel, or endure, or tolerate. Which thing should we resolve and which should we allow […]

Pick Your Pain!

Personal Growth

Personal growth is a process that produces personal change and progress. It must start from within you. Self-exploration and honesty are key. We are all looking for answers and solutions. We want to improve our lives and become a better person. We are all seeking abundance, healthy relationships, and most of all happiness and love. […]

Parenting Amidst the Chaos

Vallarta Tribune, Aug 13-19, 2006, issue # 488, pg 18 What happens to the children who grow up in chaotic homes? Many problems contribute to the chaos such as marital conflict, affairs, divorce, loss or absence of a parent, addiction, and domestic violence. The problems can manifest themselves in many ways including behavioral problems, dramatic […]

Parenting Amidst the Chaos

No One Escapes Unscathed: Adult Children of Alcoholics

Vallarta Tribune, Mar 26-Apr 1, 2006, issue # 468, pg 20 We are all a product of our environment, particularly our home environment. Our family determines a great deal of our psychological and emotional development influencing the person we become and the “baggage we carry” into adulthood. Today, let’s consider the alcoholic/addict family and its […]

No One Escapes Unscathed: Adult Children of Alcoholics

Mental Health

Many people are aware of their mental health problems and have been successfully treating it most of their lives, while others have been struggling and battling their symptoms with less success for years. There is also a high percentage of people who suffer unnecessarily with undiagnosed mental health problems, especially depression. Many symptoms become exacerbated during […]

Life Lessons from “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”

The other night I happened to catch the original version (1964) of “Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer” with Burl Ives narrating and singing…you know, the one most of us grew up with. Although, most of us understood the basic message of not bullying and being nice to people that are different, this time when I watched […]

Life is a Process

I will never forget when I was going through a very difficult and challenging time, a friend of mine quoted something he had heard in AA, that “life is a process, not a series of events” impressing upon me that things are not going to get better overnight and the answers don’t always come as […]

Life Gives You the People You Need

PV MIrror, Apr 17-24, 2010, issue # 80, pg 15 Life doesn’t give you the people you want; it gives you the people you NEED… to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. How many of you have even stopped to consider this? How […]

Learn to say “NO” and put yourself first!

PV Mirror, Apr 3-9, 2010, issue # 77, pg 17 A very dear friend of mine spent her life caring for others, always putting everyone else’s needs first. This beautiful attribute led to a long career in nursing. Over the years, it became such an engrained habit, that she forgot or never learned how to […]

Learn to say “NO” and put yourself first!

A very dear friend of mine spent her life caring for others, always putting everyone else’s needs first. This beautiful attribute led to a long career in nursing. Over the years, it became such an engrained habit, that she forgot or never learned how to meet her needs and desires, or how to put herself […]

Is Someone You Love a “Borderline”? (part 2 of 2)

PV MIrror, Mar 25-Apr 1, 2011, issue # 128, pg 19 Last week’s article described many characteristics of the Borderline Personality Disorder (BP). This week I am focusing on how their behavior affects the people who are or have been involved with them. Do you feel controlled? Borderline’s need to feel in control of others […]

Is Someone You Love a “Borderline”? (part 1 of 2)

PV MIrror, Mar 19-25, 2011, issue # 127, pg 21 Is someone you love a “Borderline”? Did you grow up with a “Borderline” Parent? Is your partner a “Borderline”? Are you “Borderline”? What is a “Borderline”? The diagnostic name is “Borderline Personality Disorder”. There is a specific list of DSM-IV (mental health diagnostic manual)diagnostic criteria. […]

In Order to Decide to Break-up, You Must Consider Staying Together

Vallarta Tribune, Sep 3-9, 2006, issue # 491, pg 15 Many couples struggle in frustrating relationships or marriages and seem to feel caught in a vicious cycle where things just don’t seem to improve and often get progressively worse. It becomes easier and easier to see all of the reasons why they should split and […]

Holiday Time, Happy time, Family Time…or not

PV MIrror, Dec 18-24, 2010, issue # 114, pg 16 How is everyone doing now that the holiday season is upon us? I imagine that there are a variety of ways the upcoming holidays are impacting each of you. Some may be spending it away from family either by choice or circumstance, and some may […]

Holiday Time, Happy time, Family Time…or not

Have You Learned to Forgive?

PV Mirror, Jan 8-14, 2011, issue #117, pg 18 One ex-prisoner of war asked another, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?” The second one replied, “No, never.” And the other turned and said,“Then it seems like they still have you in prison don’t they?” (cover of “Spirituality and Health”, Winter 1999) Are you still being held captive? Are you still […]

Have You Learned to Forgive?

One ex-prisoner of war asked another, “Have you forgiven your captors yet?” The second one replied, “No, never.” And the other turned and said, “Then it seems like they still have you in prison, don’t they?” (Cover of “Spirituality and Health”, Winter 1999) Are you still being held captive? Are you still trapped in your […]

Growing Older

PV MIrror, Nov 20-26, 2010, issue # 110, pg 17 So often our age sneaks up on us. We think we are fine and then suddenly there are problems, whether we are in our forties and accepting that we need reading glasses or we are in our eighties and can’t get around the way we […]

Family Systems: We can heal even if you don’t want to

PV Mirror, Sept 4-10, issue # 99, pg 21 In a therapy session, an individual who seeks help and begins to change, to grow, to heal, to get better, is going to respond to his world differently throughout this process. His partner, children, friends, work colleagues will notice the differences which, may be subtle or […]

Family

Our family of origin is at the core of our being. It is the source of the majority of all of our beliefs, behaviors, interests, traditions, culture, attitudes, childhood and adolescent experiences, traumas, praise, our sense of self, our attachment to others, our approach to life. However much it damaged us or enriched us, it […]

Don’t Wait for Them to Hit Bottom!

PV Mirror, May 22-28, 2010, issue #85, pg 15 Is there an addict or alcoholic in your life that you are worried about? Do you feel like you’ve tried everything to convince them they have a problem or to get help? Have they gone to AA/12-step programs and quit attending because “it” wasn’t working? Consider […]

Don’t Wait for Them to Hit Bottom!

Domestic violence: What is wrong with her??

Vallarta Tribune, Jul 9-15, 2006, issue # 483, pg 19 We recently wrote an article on domestic violence describing the types of abuse, the perpetrator’s need for power and control, and the reasons someone stays in an abusive relationship. The article was published in the English Tribune on June 11 and the Spanish was published […]

Domestic Violence

There are many forms of abuse; emotional, verbal, sexual, and physical abuse (and some books specifically site social, financial, religious/spiritual abuse as well), which people suffer at different times of their lives by perpetrators they know and usually trust. This could happen throughout childhood and/or in adulthood. When it occurs in adulthood between intimate partners, […]

Do You or Someone You Love Suffer from Depression?

Vallarta Tribune, Feb 5-11, 2006, issue # 461, pg 24 All of us have loosely used the word “depression” to describe when we feel sad or down without giving it a second thought. Most of us can probably name several people we know who are taking anti-depressant medications. However, actual clinical depression is quite different […]

Do You or Someone You Love Suffer from Depression?

Do You Have the Courage to Change?

Vallarta Tribune, Jan 26-Feb 3, 2007, issue # 511, pg 28 Whether you are trying to improve a relationship, get through a divorce, heal past traumas, resolve family of origin issues, heal the inner child, or confront an addiction, you are suffering and seeking change. Some people try to handle everything alone, while others turn to […]

Do You Have Attention Deficit?

It shouldn’t be any surprise to me that since a large percentage of people I see in therapy are over 50 years old, that we are discovering that many of them have ADD or ADHD and have never been diagnosed. “Attention Deficit Disorder” or ADD is a fairly common diagnosis in school-age children, especially if […]

Do You Have a Support System?

Vallarta Tribune, Apr 16-22, 2006, issue # 471, pg 19 Most of us find support from our friends, family members, and colleagues on a daily basis in informal settings that promote and create bonds between us. This type of support is indispensable and we cannot imagine our lives without it. Of course, there are some […]

Coupling: How and why did you choose your partner?

Vallarta Tribune, Dec 3-9, 2006, issue # 504, pg 25 When we “couple up” or choose who to partner with, the natural tendency for most people across all cultures and ethnicities seems to be with someone from very similar backgrounds, beliefs, religions, economic levels, education levels, etc. Partnering or marrying someone who grew up in […]

Coupling: How and why did you choose your partner?

Coupling part 2: After many years alone

VallartaTribune, Dec 10-16, 2006, issue # 505, pg 25 Last week’s article presented many thoughts and ideas about how and why people choose their partner. I suggested that at different stages of life we make very different decisions and I asked questions I hoped would be thought provoking and assist you in considering meaningful and […]

Couples

Most of us spend our lives in pursuit of a happy, healthy, fulfilling, exciting, loving, relationship with a partner. Some of us find it and some of us don’t, but most of us enter one relationship after another in search of it, trying to figure it out. After all, it is a basic human need […]

Codependency: Who Am I Without You?

Vallarta Tribune, Apr 2-8, 2006, issue # 469, pg 21 Codependency may be difficult for people to understand, but we often explain that it is the other side of the addiction coin. It is a term that tends to generate controversy because individuals/institutions can’t seem to agree on a definition. It became popular in the […]

Codependency

Codependency was a really common term in the 80’s and ’90’s that came out of the addiction field to describe anyone involved with an addict (includes alcoholics and will be referred to as a male) who tends to “caretake” and “enable”. They generally lose sight of themselves the more wrapped up they get in the […]

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